SHARED THOUGHTS – 14.01.2016
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New Year resolutions.
The euphoria of welcoming a new year is still in the air as we complete the first two weeks. Since majority of interactions in our planet go by Gregorian calendar, a new year is an event cheerfully welcomed across the globe, always with the hope that the coming year would be a better one than the one being consigned to history.
All of us have mixed experiences of a year gone by. Even if most of them are pleasant ones, we always hope that the coming year would be a better one. How much better can it get? There are no upper limitations to our optimism or wishes.
Very rarely we hear someone say, that I’ve had a good year and hope the new year is as good as the one gone by. It always has to be a better and a happier new year. Not a happy new year.
Resolutions are common among many as if there has to be a good day, for something to be done that’s good. Lots of unsolicited advice and ideas keep coming through all forms of communication these days. A good majority of messages deal with the need to forgive & forget.
Forgive what you cannot forget, forget what you cannot forgive, so the saying goes to inspire wounded souls to come clean of past wounds (and be prepared for fresh assaults in the coming year?). The question arises here, why we should forgive and why we need to forget or do we actually need to forgive and forget. All of us desire peace and tranquillity. One of the greatest blessings is Peace of mind. Can “forgive and forget” bring in peace of mind?
Someone asked God, “Who is your favourite person?” God replied, “The one who has the power to take revenge but chooses to forgive.” Forgive and forget are applicable to any relations – whether they be close relations within family, good friends, acquaintances, colleagues or any other. Each of us would have experienced various forms of ‘hurt’ from a relationship.
· A good friend, or one believed to be so, turns out to be using you solely for monetary gains, plots against you, does everything to harm you. After years of friendship you find that he has cheated you out of your life’s savings in a carefully crafted clever plot. What’s your reaction and would you forgive such a person?
· There is this close family relation with whom you are very close. One act of omission on your part, just one careless unintentional action of trivial nature, becomes the sole reason for that person to tear apart the closeness and distance you forever. Do you forgive or forget.
· Persons you are very close with, decide to just carve a distance between you and them. They are out of contact with you for no reason. You have been deleted from their list of contacts. Do you forgive or forget?
· Yet, there are those who can find only flaws in whatever you do… they can make you feel guilty for no action of yours!
If you’ve lived long enough, you are bound to face one or all of the above, where the ‘’spark’’ that lights a relationship gets extinguished. Some relationships are easy to be trashed while others have to be kept up in larger interest. Always listen to the sane advise “stay away from negative people.. they have a problem for every solution.” stay away also from those who do not need to be in touch with you. Wish them well, from a distance. Love them from a distance.
We all come across such blow-hot-blow-cold phases in our relationship with others. We can be angry, upset, hurt, disturbed, wounded, offended, disappointed or even stressed.... yet the fact remains that your relationship will never be the same, if you continue to harbour the thoughts of hurt. It’s said, that Stress is the gap between our Expectations and Reality. More the gap, more the stress. So expect nothing and accept everything. Ultimately it boils down to ‘acceptance’.
Accept that you could be wrong as well, whenever a relationship gets sour. Accept that you failed to realise the true worth of a friend. Accept that you allowed a friend to use you. Accept that you committed an act that hurt the other. Accept that you were too close for comfort for some and there had to that kind of a distance. Accept that you thought a relationship was important to you more than it was for the other…and so on.
Accept also that there are some who could be termed as “organised non-socials – they are people who have never grown out of the ‘me’ stage that most children are in until they are socialized. They think only of their own needs and see themselves as the centre of the universe. They can’t conceive of themselves as ever being wrong, which leads them to have very poor judgment on occasion or of others. Their very belief in their own infallibility leads them to make mistakes.”
In conclusion just keep company with those who value your presence and make you feel good and who feel good in your company as well.
A useful saying to remember at all times..:
If your eyes are positive, you would like all the people in the world.
But if your tongue is positive all the people in the world like you.
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Perhaps Rabindranath Tagore may have composed this beautiful poem as if to suggest useful New Year resolutions, for all generations to come.
Go not to the temple to put flowers upon the feet of God,
First fill your own house with the Fragrance of love...
Go not to the temple to light candles before the altar of God,
First remove the darkness of sin from your heart...
Go not to the temple to bow down your head in prayer,
First learn to bow in humility before your fellowmen...
Go not to the temple to pray on bended knees,
First bend down to lift someone who is down-trodden. ..
Go not to the temple to ask for forgiveness for your sins,
First forgive from your heart those who have sinned against you.
First fill your own house with the Fragrance of love...
Go not to the temple to light candles before the altar of God,
First remove the darkness of sin from your heart...
Go not to the temple to bow down your head in prayer,
First learn to bow in humility before your fellowmen...
Go not to the temple to pray on bended knees,
First bend down to lift someone who is down-trodden. ..
Go not to the temple to ask for forgiveness for your sins,
First forgive from your heart those who have sinned against you.
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“Listen or your tongue will keep you deaf.”… native American proverb.
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