SHARED
THOUGHTS…. 24.06.16.
Holiday and Intimacy.
Adding memories is a
pleasure. A great memory can be as common or trivial a thing as a tight hug
from a granddaughter.. …knowing well, such hugs will diminish with every inch
added to her height; that picture viewed much later, will still retain the
warmth of her hug. There is no parallel to this thrill.
It’s said, “Add
Memories, Not Regrets”…while every living moment will add
myriad memories of all sorts, nothing like if they are
interwoven with those of sights and sounds of new places visited. Travel is
certainly a great contributor to memories.
We embarked on a holiday
for most part of May to Europe. The extent to which one can enjoy the travels
depends upon the companion/s for the journey. A good companion makes the
travels memorable. A group travel has its own fun quotient. A shared taste and
inclination is absolutely necessary for a couple to enjoy travel together,
especially a long holiday with lots of travels within. Happily living with each
other in a household is not a guarantee that a couple can be happy “living
with” each other 24 x 7 x holiday period. The longer the holiday, the greater
the need to ‘handle with care’ each other, even if it be the honeymoon stage.
All my travels are with
the same ol’ travel companion… my sporting wife. That she is an excellent sport
is known to all who know her. The prospect of an enjoyable holiday can hold
good only if we both are compatible - physically, temperamentally and ‘cerebrally’.
We have seen couples, coming out Louvre or Van Gogh museums, one with an elated
look while the other bearing the brunt of boredom writ large on the face. At
other times it is the unavoidable necessity to walk long distances,
together, that can determine a good day well spent.
I read somewhere that on
such long travels, it is essential to increase your “intimacy levels”. There is
a whole treatise on the stages of Intimacy levels. Dating, pre-marital love,
honeymoon are stages where intimacy levels are more physical without having had
sufficient time to understand the persons as they are.
It’s important to
understand that true intimacy in a relationship happens over time…not in a day,
week, month or even a year…at the highest level of intimacy, you are able to
trust the other completely, share your deepest self; both the people in the
relationship need to move through and reach the highest level together to
experience total alignment of emotions and a honest relationship.
Sharing feelings and experiences,
talking about our joys, pain, failures, weakness, mistakes in the past, our
dreams, our goals, what we like or what we don’t like.. what makes us who we
are. This level is more vulnerable because we can’t change once we open up
ourselves. Thus it is said, she loves me, even though she knows everything
about me… or I love her, for what she is.
“I used to imagine that
being embraced by a woman….as something so wonderful that it would make me
forget everything……but happiness, it turns out, will be to share with you the
burden I can’t share with anyone else.”
Vasily Grossman,
Everything Flows.
Having travelled long
and deep into the matrimonial trail, we are what can be described as “matured
adults”, with many burdens to share. Aware or not, I upped the level of
intimacy to a level that is dominated with love and care, which is what
‘Intimacy’ is all about. Love manifesting itself in the form of care. It was my
turn to be concerned and caring for a change, that is so often taken for granted
while at home on normal routine. Caring for her likes, enquiring about her
comforts, what food she would like and such other small gestures which I hardly
seem to be asking at home… came naturally to me while holidaying. Thus
venturing out of our way, on our Ruby Anniversary (40th) in Prague
for that Trdnlnk with vanilla ice cream which she wanted was but a very small
gesture for all the care and concern received at every hour of the day
throughout our long journey.
If a couple can live
with each other, without any skirmish for 21 days, being with each other 24 x
7, not a day with a friend or a relative and successfully & happily return
back to ground zero, then that is an achievement which calls for a celebration.
To that, I raise a toast to my wonderful sporty travel companion in this lively
journey of 40 years and continuing, God Willing.
“Intimacy between people
requires closeness as well as distance. It is like dancing. Sometimes we are
very close, touching each other or holding each other; sometimes we move away
from each other and let the space between us become an area where we can freely
move. To keep the right balance between closeness and distance requires
hard work, especially since the needs of the partners may be quite different at
a given moment. Once might desire closeness while the other wants distance. One
might want to be held while the other looks for independence. A perfect balance
seldom occurs, but the honest and open search for that balance can give birth
to a beautiful dance, worthy to behold.”
Henri J.M.Nouwen, Bread
for the Journey. A Daybook of Wisdom and Faith.
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(Our travels,
experiences and highlights of the sight-seeing at each location have been
posted as they occurred in my facebook page…with plenty of pictures. Check home
page - Mohandas Kp ).
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Have a safe & peaceful week ahead.
