SHARED
THOUGHTS – 28.08.2016
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Mother
in law.
‘Adam
and Eve were the happiest, and the luckiest, couple in the world, because
neither of them had a mother-in-law’. Mother in law have been around from
time immemorial. What’s with them that they have to portrayed from ancient
times in a shade bordering with Monsters… to be also called Monster in law ??
They are also mothers aren’t they?
A
mother receives a phone call from a relative. “how’s the new daughter in law?”
“Oh,
she is sad… does not help me with anything. Very shabby in washing, cleaning
and mopping .. not helping in kitchen much, practically useless and
disappointing. Given time she loves only to watch TV and on mobile.”
Relative,
“I am sorry to hear this. How’s your daughter at her in-law’s house?”
“Oh,
she is just fine.. sleeps till 9 am, hardly needs to do any work, takes it easy
watching TV, chatting… they have servants for everything.”
Incompatibility
sets in when a daughter in law is taken into a household as a substitute for a
maid. A son wanting to get married so that there would be some help for his
mother, is the starting point for this loving mother to turn into a monster in
law to the new unsuspecting bride. She finds in no time, her expected role is
that of a glorified maid. If the son happens to be ‘Mama’s boy” wherein his
priority is for mother over his wife, the feeling of jealousy is mutual and
instant; a perfect recipe for disaster. Mother feels a sudden competition with
daughter in law to win the love of her son, as if the new daughter in law has
stolen something what is precious to her !! A good mother is turned into a
Monster in law, though, deep down, they are very nice people.
Q:
Why do they bury mothers-in-law 18 feet down, when everyone else is buried 6
feet down?
A: Because, deep down, they really are very nice people.
A: Because, deep down, they really are very nice people.
Rather
than feeling insecure that she may lose her son, if the mother can feel, she
has gained a daughter, then the stage is perfect for a happy healthy family.
Soon enough the daughter in law also feels, she has gained a mother away from
her home.
A mother’s estimation of her son is
usually inflated to the extent that no bride is ever considered as suitable
enough for him. In most of the cases, suitability is measured in terms of
the economic well being of her family and the gratis she brings in to the
husband’s household. ‘Bride burning’ and harassment over dowry is the
resultant. I think in every mother’s heart, there is a sense of jealousy when
their son is married off.
They feel insecure and are frightened
that now he has someone to do for him what she did to him all his life thus
far. This feeling of insecurity is more relevant in a small family or the only
son being the only child and so on.
A
common dreadful event for married men is the unwelcome prospect of a visit from
Mother in law, however nice she is. It is not acceptable that a mother in law
can be nice.
Two
men were in a pub. One says to his mate, "My MIL is an angel."
His friend replies, "You're lucky. Mine is still alive."
Is
it her overbearing presence disrupting an otherwise smooth household that makes
her visit unwelcome, or is it that the daughter goes overboard to make her
mother comfortable to the extent that she ignores her husband, much to his
chagrin.
This
is not a general rule and sure there are exceptions of course. Yet It will be
advisable for a prospective bride to do a background check to see if her would
be husband is a ‘Mama’s boy” or is she is going to live in a household with her
only son. Forewarned is forearmed.
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Once upon a time in China , a girl named Li-Li got married & went to live with her husband and mother-in-law.
In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law' s habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.
Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that,
according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing Li-Li's poor husband great distress.
Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law' s bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it. Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.
Mr. Huang thought for awhile, and finally said, "Li-iL, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you."
Li-Li said,"Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do. "Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspect you, when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. "Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen." Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.
After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost
never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.
The mother-in-law' s attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in- law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter. Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening.
One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again She said, "Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep off the poison from killing my mother-in-law. She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her."
Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. "Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to
improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her."
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How
you treat others is exactly how they will treat you? There is a wise Chinese
saying: "The person who loves others will also be loved in return."
God might be
trying to work in another person's life through you.
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Have a safe & peaceful week ahead.
