I lost my mobile last week, in a cab while on a late night ride. Attempts to contact the drier were in vain. It was as good as lost. I would stand to lose a whole lot of matter, apart from huge inconvenience for a while and cost of replacement.
In what has now become my habit, I set about to minimize the feeling of loss, in order to make it more easily acceptable. After all, it is all about Acceptance, that hep to live with a loss, right?
What are the other “things” I lost, all in just recent past??
I would have lost 3 or 4 mobile phones.
I lost an awesome collection of photographs spanning past 40-45 years of our life - before marriage to present, that is irreplaceable.
and to more serious losses...
I lost a coveted job to a conspiracy hatched by colleagues dictated by narrow extraneous factors other than relevant to company interests.
I lost a business to ‘friends’ who had no problems of guilt at a hostile takeover of our joint interests, leaving me high and dry, at the worst vulnerable moment of my life.
I lost a huge profit share that was my right, to a ganged up plot to deny my continuity in an entity that was my creation.
I lost about $100,000 to a ‘friend’ who had no qualms to live by an act of downright cheating even while swearing allegiance to God five times a day.
But what did I not lose, in the process?
I did not lose sleep. I did not choke. I did not cry. I did not feel heavy at heart. I did not lose Peace of Mind.
We were brought up in a home by a wonderful father and a model mother, for whom nothing mattered in the world, more than Peace of mind ensuring a good sleep. The importance of this alone, defined their personality. Possibly, the value of this priceless treasure far outweighs anything else in the world.
They taught us to live on our gains and not fret over loss of “things”. The only loss we cannot accept is Loss of face; loss of self respect. Loss of character. Loss of trust. Loss of values.
But while we learnt from them to live by loss of “things”, they did not teach me, how to live with the loss of other than “things” … loss of someone .. loss of the one who is part of our being. The one who matter to us more than any other sentiments in the world. The one we would live, love and fight for.
Dear Lalit,
On this day, the 11 anniversary of the greatest loss in our life, with a heavy heart, your sister, mother and I will silently relive the golden moments of our times together during your short & sweet stay with us, rather than ruminate over the fact that we shall see you no more.
We do by default, every waking moment of our days, but today, each of us knows what the other is thinking..that's all. We hear the clock ticking towards that dreadful moment past midnight.
As is now our habit, we have learnt to Accept. Acceptance has minimized the pain.. We have mastered it. No loss will be beyond our Acceptance.
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From the archives - Shared Thoughts – 20.09.14.
Pain has become a part of our life.. The energy we put to tame the pain, sees
us through the days we live. We appear normal even to ourselves.
Whoever said that loss gets easier with time was a liar. Here's what really
happens:
You don't get over it; you just get through it.
You don't get by it; because you can't get around it.
It doesn't get better; it just gets different.
Everyday...Grief puts on a new face.
How Long Will The Pain Last?
How long will the pain last?”
a broken hearted mourner asked me.
“All the rest of your Life.”
I have to answer truthfully.
We never quite forget.
No matter how many years pass, we remember.
The loss of a loved one is like a major operation.
Part of us is removed,
and we have a scar for the rest of our lives.
As years go by, we manage.
There are things to do, people to care for,
tasks that call for full attention. But the pain is still there,
not far below the surface.
We see a face that looks familiar,
hear a voice that echoes,
see a photograph in someone’s album,
see a landscape that once we saw together,
and it seems as though a knife were in the wound again.
But not so painfully.
And mixed with joy, too.
Because remembering a happy time is not all sorrow,
it brings back happiness with it.
How long will the pain last?
All the rest of your life.
But the things to remember is that not only the pain will last,
but the blessed memories as well.
Tears are proof of life.
The more love, the more tears.
If this be true,
then how could we ever ask that the pain cease altogether.
For then the memory of love would go with it.
The pain of grief is the price we pay for love.
( Martha White).
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Mohandas Kizhakke
