Attachment to the future

SHARED THOUGHTS

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Attachment to the future?

Summer is here and it is vacation time. The four ladies in my life here are in India. The day before they left, our little grand daughter was left with me to take care.

From midnight to 4 am tho' she was sleepy, yet was restless, squirming and shifting every 5 minutes. I was in the recliner with her...battling my own sleepy eyes but watchful not to wake her up or make her cry.  The AC was set to cool well.. so it was as if this little one was covering me from the cold, with the warmth of her innocence.

A slight disturbance to our sleep can be a huge irritant normally. This sweet little one was constantly demanding my attention which was itself a highly difficult task to be able to give her in the wee hours of the day. The mind was willing but the flesh was weak.

The emotions I felt then was something strange. Here she was.. my own sweet little grand daughter .. shifting and snuggling to make herself comfortable... in my arms.. yet blissfully unaware sleep was over powering me all the while. Far from being disturbed, I was enjoying every moment of her in my arms where pure overwhelming love to care and protect her was the only thing that mattered then.

It was a delight to see her enjoying deep sleep towards dawn. It was a delight beyond words to see that sweet smile as she opened her eyes to look straight at me over my chest. It was a delight indeed.... going to miss her as she enjoys new place new faces new touch and new warmth..... but the warmth I felt with her on my chest will linger for long, until she is back..

At midnight or so, as I made it to the recliner, I could see the elder grand-daughter wrapped around my wife. She had woken up and needed to be patted back to sleep.

Thus we were, both the grand-parents, up and sitting past mid night, trying to put the little ones to sleep. This was not an unwilling chore, but a treasured task willingly taken upon ourselves where we would have a deal with our daughter for baby-sitting one or both once in a way. We had the same deal with our son as well.

My wife revels in her role as the mother of a mother ; mother of a father.

Grand mothers are just antique little girls ; Grandfathers are just antique little boys… .. A house needs a Grandma in it. Becoming a Grandmother is wonderful. One moment you are just a mother. The next you are all-wise and pre-historic.

I could view this scenario as the bondage between the past and the future, the fusion of what-it-was and what-it-will-be. As I lay there, careful with my charge, my mind raced back to the years, when I was not the past. I was in my prime with a two year old son to dote on, on a hot summer night with no electricity and plenty of mosquitoes to feast on the young blood..  I would not let a single mosquito disturb my son. So I stayed awake all night, eyes drooping but alert to the hum of an incoming sting. My hands would fan incessantly to beat the humidity and bring some coolness to the little boy and his mother. After a while, she would take the watch and I would sleep.

Decades later, playing a similar role was reliving our prime days. Grandkids are own kids miniaturized.

It is these enthralling moments that cement the relationship. The bonding factor is attachment… over the years, this attachment grows.. this is the attachment between one generation and another and another.. Where it is mutual all the way both ways, there is harmony…there is happiness.  

We would often talk about this. We did not expect our son to be grateful to us for the extra pains we took to ensure he slept through the discomforts. Nor did the thought ever occur that he should be obligated to us. Where there is pure love, there is no pain felt. Where there is love it is a pleasure to fulfil the duties that go with it. We were only doing our duty towards our kids.

Where there is love, there is duty. Where there is only duty, love is optional. The following anecdote would illu

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There is a Silverstein study that listed three elements that are crucial in developing a strong Grandparent – Grandchildren relationship.

a.    The child feeling a sense of emotional closeness to his grandparent.

b.    The child having regular contact with the grandparent.

c.    The child viewing the grandparent as a source of social support.

 A strong emotional bond with the grandparent effectively models a healthy relationship, lessening the negative aspects of parenting if any, by the father or mother, who is the primary care giver. Imagine the very positive effects grandparents can have in their grandchildren’s lives, if they are already receiving a healthy relationship model at home.

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Kahlil Gibran has beautifully expressed a fact... our attachment to the grand children is limited. We cannot enter their life, for their life lies in the future.

"Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you (body) but not from you (soul). And though they are with you yet they belong not to you (they have their own identity).

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness. For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable."

Kahlil Gibran

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Have a peaceful week ahead. Also, wishing Ramadan Mubarak to our fasting friends.

MOHANDAS KIZHAKKE.

http://mohandas-sharedthoughts.blogspot.com/