A loner today, a shooter tomorrow.

SHARED THOUGHTS – 08.04.2016

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Catch them young… the loner today, a shooter tomorrow.

Everybody yearns for Love and respect. Both do not come by demand. But not everyone knows this. For some, if respect is not given, they work towards getting it by any means. This is the simple underlying factor behind many violence, especially violence in school campus.

Terrorism in school campus is fast becoming the most uncontrollable act of terror, beyond any radar and beyond any way to predict. Fortunately it is not beyond a method to identify very much earlier on, a potential trigger puller.

I was told I was dangerous. I asked Why..and their response was “because you don’t need anyone”. I don’t need anyone, but the truth is they don’t need me. I keep it all inside because I’d rather the pain destroy me, than everyone else.

Firing at one’s own classmates and teachers is not an act of causing terror alone. In most 11234567890cases, such an act of random terror is perhaps one’s way of calling for attention. Neglected for long, being bullied often and taking it without a fight, being mocked at, or simply being a loner… is the perfect foundation that will give rise to pent up anger within, which will one day explode into a rage, to prove that I am not a push over, I am someone to be noticed.. notice now.. notice me…!!

And if pulling the trigger is the only way to grab attention, then so be it.. !! It’s all about sudden absence of sensitivity and sudden lack of reason, with focus only to see fear of him in others eyes, bordering on suicidal tendency.

The following article is of how a teacher devised a method to identify such loners, early in their life. This is an exceptional technique that is worthy of emulation by all the teachers anywhere. By sharing this, I sincerely hope, teachers will be inspired to go beyond the call of duty and adopt this method, that will be a great service to society.

If you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy SOLITUDE, it’s because they tried to blend into the world before,.. and people continue to disappoint them.

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Every Friday afternoon Chase’s teacher asks her students to take out a piece of paper and write down the names of four children with whom they’d like to sit the following week. The children know that these requests may or may not be honored. She also asks the students to nominate one student whom they believe has been an exceptional classroom citizen that week. All ballots are privately submitted to her.

And every single Friday afternoon, after the students go home, Chase’s teacher takes out those slips of paper, places them in front of her and studies them. She looks for patterns.

Who is not getting requested by anyone else?
Who doesn’t even know who to request?
Who never gets noticed enough to be nominated?
Who had a million friends last week and none this week?

You see, Chase’s teacher is not looking for a new seating chart or “exceptional citizens.” Chase’s teacher is looking for lonely children. She’s looking for children who are struggling to connect with other children. She’s identifying the little ones who are falling through the cracks of the class’s social life. She is discovering whose gifts are going unnoticed by their peers. And she’s pinning down- right away- who’s being bullied and who is doing the bullying.

As a teacher, parent, and lover of all children – I think that this is the most brilliant Love Ninja strategy I have ever encountered. It’s like taking an X-ray of a classroom to see beneath the surface of things and into the hearts of students. It is like mining for gold – the gold being those little ones who need a little help – who need adults to step in and TEACH them how to make friends, how to ask others to play, how to join a group, or how to share their gifts with others. And it’s a bully deterrent because every teacher knows that bullying usually happens outside of her eyeshot – and that often kids being bullied are too intimidated to share. But as she said – the truth comes out on those safe, private, little sheets of paper.

As Chase’s teacher explained this simple, ingenious idea – I stared at her with my mouth hanging open. “How long have you been using this system?” I said.
Ever since Columbine, she said. Every single Friday afternoon since Columbine.

Good Lord. This brilliant woman watched Columbine (school massacre**) knowing that ALL VIOLENCE BEGINS WITH DISCONNECTION. All outward violence begins as inner loneliness. She watched that tragedy KNOWING that children who aren’t being noticed will eventually resort to being noticed by any means necessary.

And so she decided to start fighting violence early and often, and with the world within her reach. What Chase’s teacher is doing when she sits in her empty classroom studying those lists written with shaky 11 year old hands - is SAVING LIVES. I am convinced of it. She is saving lives.

And what this mathematician has learned while using this system is something she really already knew: that everything – even love, even belonging – has a pattern to it. And she finds those patterns through those lists – she breaks the codes of disconnection. And then she gets lonely kids the help they need. It’s math to her. It’s MATH.

All is love- even math. Amazing.

Chase’s teacher retires this year – after decades of saving lives. What a way to spend a life: looking for patterns of love and loneliness. Stepping in, every single day- and altering the trajectory of our world.

TEACH ON, WARRIORS. You are the first responders, the front line, the disconnection detectives, and the best and ONLY hope we’ve got for a better world. What you do in those classrooms when no one is watching- it’s our best hope.

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**  The Columbine High School massacre was a school shooting that occurred on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School in Columbine, Colorado. The perpetrators, senior students murdered 12 students and one teacher. They injured 21 additional people, and three more were injured while attempting to escape the school. The pair committed suicide.

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Have a safe & peaceful week ahead.

MOHANDAS KIZHAKKE.

http://mohandas-sharedthoughts.blogspot.com/

Self-esteem.

 

SHARED THOUGHTS – 23.04.2016

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Self-Esteem .

In a world of noise all around, there are still people who are enveloped in silence. Silence that comes from loneliness or living with others with whom communication is difficult. Of course, one can take to several gadgets to be in touch with the world. But the world of live conversation with a friend, a relative or anyone is sometimes a luxury for some. Especially when one has ideas that need to get cross checked or need some appreciation, big or small.  The chances are that when you are alone, you may neglect to give enough attention to someone special, someone who is always there with you. Who is that? You - of course. Talk to yourself, not in your head, but loud.

Pay compliments to yourself. Appreciate within yourself, what you have done. Scold yourself, but with care. Reprimand kindly. All are helpful to relieve loneliness. This method can make you smarter. Helps you to clarify your thoughts. Decisions that are to be taken can be debated within yourself. You can be your own critic. One thing to remember, always speak to yourself respectfully.

 Personally, I enjoy talking to myself much to the amusement of those at home. I have caught myself talking out loud, in the street, in the malls, but the best venue I enjoy for this conversation with myself is when I am under the shower, often giving the impression, there is not just me, but someone else too, in there. I have been sometimes hard on myself. But mostly I am my own friend, admirer, critic, advisor and guide. (After all the cross-checks, it is then a pleasure and privilege to present the well considered options to my wife for that final decision. More often than not, such decisions have proved to be right. But then, this is my personal cross-check home ‘kit’ if I may say so, not gifted to all).

Try this for fun. When you are under the shower or driving alone, try speaking to yourself, without stammering for the correct word, without repeating and in a smooth flow of words as if you are a commentator… of a match whether football or cricket or simply describing a scene, for few minutes without a break. Try and see if you can speak for 3 or 4 minutes. That’s fun but very difficult. Regular attempts will help you to collect your thoughts and merge them with words in one coherent manner, which is what good public speaking all about.

During the worst days of our life, when we had to grapple with a sudden colossal tragedy in family, that could easily have made anyone insane or a mental wreck, being my own ‘therapist’ helped greatly to face the change, however slowly and gradually, to understand that we can move forward only with ‘acceptance’ of what happened.

Very often, we find there are times when we must speak to ourselves, what we would never let anyone else talk to us the same way. If someone walked up to you and told you how stupid you were and how you were screwing up your whole life, would you let them talk to you like that? NO. you would defend yourself, you would walk away, you would get angry, or any other responses, but surely, you wouldn’t take it. So why is it okay for you to talk to yourself that way? This is so important.

One has to be careful with oneself. Be mindful of the things you say to yourself.  Start to pay attention to the impulsive decisions you tend to take and feel stupid or wrong about it later.

Was it Swami Vivekananda who said, talk to yourself at least 5 minutes every day; for if you don’t, you will miss talking to someone wonderful.

I came across this message recently.

I love myself.

I believe in myself.
I appreciate myself.
I am strict and serious
About improving myself.
I will not give up on myself.
I will not disappoint myself.
I will be my best self
No matter what.
 
We are the CEO’s of our own self. We and we alone decide who we are going to give our self to. You have to support yourself, encourage yourself, be kind to yourself .. you will have more success if you do. The more you believe in yourself, the more confident you build to face each day and its uncertainties. Every challenge becomes opportunity. Every failure becomes a lesson to learn and not to repeat. Every lesson learnt adds to experience. Every experience adds to your value.

There’s no elevator to success. You must take the steps.

Each step to success can be fraught with many impediments, the worst of which is also the most simple to overcome. If you can fail for a variety of reasons, then you must understand that the worst reason you can fail, is you allowed it to happen. When you succeed, you proudly exclaim, I succeeded. I passed. I performed well. But when you fail to succeed, hundreds of reasons come to mind, as to why you failed.. except one root cause which will not be acknowledged…. I allowed myself to fail.

What could I do? I was not there at that moment. It was my bad luck. It was just destined to be so. I tried my best, but the result was already pre-determined ..  and so on.. 

This is the “victim” feeling.. It is easy to fall into the trap of a victim mind-set. Victim mentality is pretty much about believing more in our weakness than we do in our strengths.

Being your own advisor helps in such moments of weakness. Talk to yourself and analyse the why and how and where you missed out.. friends can help, but their advise can border on their own strengths which need not be yours. Only you know your weakness and strengths. You must have the courage to accept your weakness; only then can you do something about it. One weakness less is one strength added.

Thus talking to yourself can be – advisory, motivational, therapeutic, a sounding pad or simply to take your steam off. Whichever way, this is helpful undoubtedly. It builds self-esteem if done in a positive note.

Our best friend and our worst enemy reside within us. Unfortunately, most of us access the latter far more often than the former.” Maddy Malhotra.

Whether you are living by yourself or living with others, you are always living with yourself. So don’t leave yourself out of the equation. Converse, chatter, communicate respectfully with yourself. It is not a sign of insanity. It is a sign of good health.

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Have a safe & peaceful week ahead.

MOHANDAS KIZHAKKE.

http://mohandas-sharedthoughts.blogspot.com/