Self-esteem.

 

SHARED THOUGHTS – 23.04.2016

==============================\

Self-Esteem .

In a world of noise all around, there are still people who are enveloped in silence. Silence that comes from loneliness or living with others with whom communication is difficult. Of course, one can take to several gadgets to be in touch with the world. But the world of live conversation with a friend, a relative or anyone is sometimes a luxury for some. Especially when one has ideas that need to get cross checked or need some appreciation, big or small.  The chances are that when you are alone, you may neglect to give enough attention to someone special, someone who is always there with you. Who is that? You - of course. Talk to yourself, not in your head, but loud.

Pay compliments to yourself. Appreciate within yourself, what you have done. Scold yourself, but with care. Reprimand kindly. All are helpful to relieve loneliness. This method can make you smarter. Helps you to clarify your thoughts. Decisions that are to be taken can be debated within yourself. You can be your own critic. One thing to remember, always speak to yourself respectfully.

 Personally, I enjoy talking to myself much to the amusement of those at home. I have caught myself talking out loud, in the street, in the malls, but the best venue I enjoy for this conversation with myself is when I am under the shower, often giving the impression, there is not just me, but someone else too, in there. I have been sometimes hard on myself. But mostly I am my own friend, admirer, critic, advisor and guide. (After all the cross-checks, it is then a pleasure and privilege to present the well considered options to my wife for that final decision. More often than not, such decisions have proved to be right. But then, this is my personal cross-check home ‘kit’ if I may say so, not gifted to all).

Try this for fun. When you are under the shower or driving alone, try speaking to yourself, without stammering for the correct word, without repeating and in a smooth flow of words as if you are a commentator… of a match whether football or cricket or simply describing a scene, for few minutes without a break. Try and see if you can speak for 3 or 4 minutes. That’s fun but very difficult. Regular attempts will help you to collect your thoughts and merge them with words in one coherent manner, which is what good public speaking all about.

During the worst days of our life, when we had to grapple with a sudden colossal tragedy in family, that could easily have made anyone insane or a mental wreck, being my own ‘therapist’ helped greatly to face the change, however slowly and gradually, to understand that we can move forward only with ‘acceptance’ of what happened.

Very often, we find there are times when we must speak to ourselves, what we would never let anyone else talk to us the same way. If someone walked up to you and told you how stupid you were and how you were screwing up your whole life, would you let them talk to you like that? NO. you would defend yourself, you would walk away, you would get angry, or any other responses, but surely, you wouldn’t take it. So why is it okay for you to talk to yourself that way? This is so important.

One has to be careful with oneself. Be mindful of the things you say to yourself.  Start to pay attention to the impulsive decisions you tend to take and feel stupid or wrong about it later.

Was it Swami Vivekananda who said, talk to yourself at least 5 minutes every day; for if you don’t, you will miss talking to someone wonderful.

I came across this message recently.

I love myself.

I believe in myself.
I appreciate myself.
I am strict and serious
About improving myself.
I will not give up on myself.
I will not disappoint myself.
I will be my best self
No matter what.
 
We are the CEO’s of our own self. We and we alone decide who we are going to give our self to. You have to support yourself, encourage yourself, be kind to yourself .. you will have more success if you do. The more you believe in yourself, the more confident you build to face each day and its uncertainties. Every challenge becomes opportunity. Every failure becomes a lesson to learn and not to repeat. Every lesson learnt adds to experience. Every experience adds to your value.

There’s no elevator to success. You must take the steps.

Each step to success can be fraught with many impediments, the worst of which is also the most simple to overcome. If you can fail for a variety of reasons, then you must understand that the worst reason you can fail, is you allowed it to happen. When you succeed, you proudly exclaim, I succeeded. I passed. I performed well. But when you fail to succeed, hundreds of reasons come to mind, as to why you failed.. except one root cause which will not be acknowledged…. I allowed myself to fail.

What could I do? I was not there at that moment. It was my bad luck. It was just destined to be so. I tried my best, but the result was already pre-determined ..  and so on.. 

This is the “victim” feeling.. It is easy to fall into the trap of a victim mind-set. Victim mentality is pretty much about believing more in our weakness than we do in our strengths.

Being your own advisor helps in such moments of weakness. Talk to yourself and analyse the why and how and where you missed out.. friends can help, but their advise can border on their own strengths which need not be yours. Only you know your weakness and strengths. You must have the courage to accept your weakness; only then can you do something about it. One weakness less is one strength added.

Thus talking to yourself can be – advisory, motivational, therapeutic, a sounding pad or simply to take your steam off. Whichever way, this is helpful undoubtedly. It builds self-esteem if done in a positive note.

Our best friend and our worst enemy reside within us. Unfortunately, most of us access the latter far more often than the former.” Maddy Malhotra.

Whether you are living by yourself or living with others, you are always living with yourself. So don’t leave yourself out of the equation. Converse, chatter, communicate respectfully with yourself. It is not a sign of insanity. It is a sign of good health.

=====================================================

Have a safe & peaceful week ahead.

MOHANDAS KIZHAKKE.

http://mohandas-sharedthoughts.blogspot.com/