Home vs House.

SHARED THOUGHTS – 17.07.2016

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How does one define a ‘home’ as different from a ‘house’?

I just returned from the airport, bidding ‘adieu’ to daughter & family… returned to the emptiness of a home that now is merely housing me until the sparks of a home are rekindled.

As if saying “bon voyage” day before to my dear wife was not enough, today, it was seeing off the lovely three girls of my life here, on their vacation for the next several weeks.

Home is where there is no order, nothing is where it should be, bits of paper all over, ruffled sheets and pillows in the hall, broken toys and toys waiting to be broken, sippers half full with honey & milk, fondly called by the 2 year old as “oneanmilk”, slippers and shoes in all corners, half eaten lollipops left discarded on the table, peeled orange (“olange”) chewed half, wet panty here and a drenched T shirt there, my orderly work desk under ‘friendly’ attack …and above all, the squealing screams of the young throats reverberating across the walls, intermingled with bursts of laughter and giggles…. et al. !! this was the scene the other day and today, it is all quiet and still.

The metamorphosis from a home to a house is simply put, the absence of laughter and presence of ‘order’. I can leave my book-mark at a spot I know it will be there for days, or my lap top open and I know the keys will be left untouched. I yearned for this ‘order’, when it was ‘perfect storm’ at home, now I hate this ‘order’ when it is still and quiet all over the house.

Billy Graham said, “My Home is in Heaven. I am just travelling through this world.”.

Well, for me, heaven is my home, with all its short comings, because God lives here within the innocence of the laughter, God lives here within the pure pristine Love we share.

Can we ever say, we’ve had enough of laughter, enough of good times, enough of joy in the company of  loved? All good things in life come with no measure. We want those ecstatic moments to linger long and never to end.

I read, of a father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the father said, “I love you, and I wish you enough”. The daughter replied, “Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad”.  They kissed and the daughter left.

A person standing close enough to hear of the final farewell wishes asked the father, “when you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, I wish you enough.. may I ask what that means?”

He began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” 

He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail.. and he smiled even more. “When we said, I wish you enough, we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.”  He shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good bye.

He then began to cry and walked away.

So be it in our life too. We live with hardly a thought, that each moment we laugh and play with our children and grand children, are precious moments that have just gone by, never to return. Therefore, it’s all the more important that each moment is lived happy enough with each other.  Long after these days fade into memory, only to be recalled when the toddlers of today are in their teens or parents themselves, as my daughter is now, we will realize those were days that were heavenly.. just as today is too… and all the players in it make each day, a real heaven.

Where is home? Home is where the heart can laugh without shyness. Home is where the heart’s tears can dry at their own pace… Vernon Baker.

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Have a safe & peaceful week ahead.

MOHANDAS KIZHAKKE.

http://mohandas-sharedthoughts.blogspot.com/

Flood of Thoughts & non violence in parenting. 01-07-16

SHARED THOUGHTS – 01.07.2016

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Flood of thoughts & non-violence in parenting.

“I wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again.

I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.

I thought about you yesterday, and the day before too. I think of you in silence ;

I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a photo in a frame.

Your memory is a keepsake from which I’ll never part.

God has you in His arms and I have you in my heart”.

Dear Lalit,

A flood of thoughts today as with every moment of every day… yet, today is special. Today it is your birthday. Cannot believe that today you could be 38 !! In our minds, you have not grown beyond the youthful handsome young man of 29. You will always be ever young, even as Time takes its toll on us.

These days your two lovely nieces, Aarna & Reeva keep us company to help us remain young at heart. Spending time with them, remind us so much of the time we had you as a smart boy of 2 who could use so many words and form nice sentences, similar to the ones the smaller girl Reeva does now.

She reminds me so much of you, as that little chubby fella, to whom I used to tell funny stories, mommy bathing and dressing you to school. The way you used to say “bye” to us as you sit in that rickshaw to school. These days when I put the little one Reeva to sleep on my chest, I remember that is where you were just a few years back… how she cuddles around in her sleep with tight hugs and sometimes crawling all over me…..just the way you used to. You were so chubby and full of baby fat..it was heavenly to hug you and cuddle with you.

I remember the blue trousers and white shirts that I used to iron every morning all those wonderful years. I am so glad I did not frown then and took upon this chore with pleasure knowing that at a later date, I would miss this awfully…but not the way, I miss it now.

I happened to read of a story (given below) where Gandhiji’s grandson was caught lying and his father gave him a punishment that he would never forget. Likewise, I remember you told a white lie to your teacher in KV IIT school and the teacher called us to school to expose your lie.. my punishment to you was, from that day on, I would only believe you no matter what anyone said.. your word would be the final truth. You realized that it was a great responsibility to live up to that level of trust .. yet, you lived up to it wholly. We were always so proud of you that we could communicate with each other so freely as good buddies.

You were our little boy, smart and handsome to college. Gaining knowledge fast and developing a personality of your own, ready to face the world of men and the games people play.

You were still our little boy, even when you matured to take decisions that would shape your destiny; when a lively lovely girl of your dreams came into our fold and soon after, that little bundle of joy… your beautiful daughter now growing up to be a lovely lady in the making, under the incredibly loving watch of your bosom pal. We watch with awe the magical bond binding Ila and her sweet sister Samika growing with each day. You would love that.

Take comfort dear, that those whom you love are well loved and taken care of, in a way you can be proud of. You shall continue to be the guiding light to us as we grope around the void hoping somewhere somehow we can touch you, feel you, hear you and see that mesmerizing wide smile.

With love, from your loved ones  ….

“Although we seem so far apart, 
You're always here within our hearts. 
You filled our lives with joy and pleasure 
You were to us a precious treasure. 
A little while shall pass and then, 
We'll see each other once again. 
Loved, remembered and held so dear, 
In minds and hearts you're always here”.

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Non-violence in parenting.

*"Dr. Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi and founder of the M.K. Gandhi Institute for Non-violence, in his lecture at the University of Puerto Rico, shared the following story as an example of "non-violence in parenting":*

"I was 16 years old and living with my parents at the institute my grandfather had founded 18 miles outside of Durban, South Africa, in the middle of the sugar plantations. We were deep in the country and had no neighbors, so my two sisters and I would always look forward to going to town to visit friends or go to the movies.

One day, my father asked me to drive him to town for an all-day conference, and I jumped at the chance. Since I was going to town, my mother gave me a list of groceries she needed and, since I had all day in town, my father ask me to take care of several pending chores, such as getting the car serviced. When I dropped my father off that morning, he said, 'I will meet you here at 5:00 p.m., and we will go home together.'

After hurriedly completing my chores, I went straight to the nearest movie theatre. I got so engrossed in a John Wayne double-feature that I forgot the time. It was 5:30 before I remembered. By the time I ran to the garage and got the car and hurried to where my father was waiting for me, it was almost 6:00.

He anxiously asked me, 'Why were you late?' I was so ashamed of telling him I was watching a John Wayne western movie that I said, 'The car wasn't ready, so I had to wait,' not realizing that he had already called the garage. When he caught me in the lie, he said: 'There's something wrong in the way I brought you up that didn't give you the confidence to tell me the truth. In order to figure out where I went wrong with you, I'm going to walk home 18 miles and think about it.'

So, dressed in his suit and dress shoes, he began to walk home in the dark on mostly unpaved, unlit roads. I couldn't leave him, so for five-and-a-half hours I drove behind him, watching my father go through this agony for a stupid lie that I uttered. I decided then and there that I was never going to lie again.

I often think about that episode and wonder, if he had punished me the way we punish our children, whether I would have learned a lesson at all. I don't think so. I would have suffered the punishment and gone on doing the same thing. But this single non-violent action was so powerful that it is still as if it happened yesterday. That is the power of non-violence."

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Have a safe & peaceful week ahead.

MOHANDAS KIZHAKKE.

http://mohandas-sharedthoughts.blogspot.com/