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Flood of thoughts &
non-violence in parenting.
“I wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice
again.
I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday, and the day before too.
I think of you in silence ;
I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a
photo in a frame.
Your memory is a keepsake from which I’ll never part.
God has you in His arms and I have you in my heart”.
Dear Lalit,
A flood of thoughts today as with every moment of
every day… yet, today is special. Today it is your birthday. Cannot believe that
today you could be 38 !! In our minds, you have not grown beyond the youthful
handsome young man of 29. You will always be ever young, even as Time takes its
toll on us.
These days your two lovely nieces, Aarna & Reeva
keep us company to help us remain young at heart. Spending time with them,
remind us so much of the time we had you as a smart boy of 2 who could use so
many words and form nice sentences, similar to the ones the smaller girl Reeva
does now.
She reminds me so much of you, as that little chubby
fella, to whom I used to tell funny stories, mommy bathing and dressing you to
school. The way you used to say “bye” to us as you sit in that rickshaw to
school. These days when I put the little one Reeva to sleep on my chest, I
remember that is where you were just a few years back… how she cuddles around
in her sleep with tight hugs and sometimes crawling all over me…..just the way
you used to. You were so chubby and full of baby fat..it was heavenly to hug
you and cuddle with you.
I remember the blue trousers and white shirts that I
used to iron every morning all those wonderful years. I am so glad I did not
frown then and took upon this chore with pleasure knowing that at
a later date, I would miss this awfully…but not the way, I miss it now.
I happened to read of a story (given below) where
Gandhiji’s grandson was caught lying and his father gave him a punishment that
he would never forget. Likewise, I remember you told a white lie to your
teacher in KV IIT school and the teacher called us to school to expose your
lie.. my punishment to you was, from that day on, I would only believe you no
matter what anyone said.. your word would be the final truth. You realized that
it was a great responsibility to live up to that level of trust .. yet, you
lived up to it wholly. We were always so proud of you that we could communicate
with each other so freely as good buddies.
You were our little boy, smart and handsome to
college. Gaining knowledge fast and developing a personality of your own, ready
to face the world of men and the games people play.
You were still our little boy, even when you matured
to take decisions that would shape your destiny; when a lively lovely girl of
your dreams came into our fold and soon after, that little bundle of joy… your
beautiful daughter now growing up to be a lovely lady in the making, under the
incredibly loving watch of your bosom pal. We watch with awe the magical bond
binding Ila and her sweet sister Samika growing with each day. You would love
that.
Take comfort dear, that those whom you love are well
loved and taken care of, in a way you can be proud of. You shall continue to be
the guiding light to us as we grope around the void hoping somewhere somehow we
can touch you, feel you, hear you and see that mesmerizing wide smile.
With love, from your loved ones ….
“Although we seem so far apart,
You're always here within our hearts.
You filled our lives with joy and pleasure
You were to us a precious treasure.
A little while shall pass and then,
We'll see each other once again.
Loved, remembered and held so dear,
In minds and hearts you're always here”.
You're always here within our hearts.
You filled our lives with joy and pleasure
You were to us a precious treasure.
A little while shall pass and then,
We'll see each other once again.
Loved, remembered and held so dear,
In minds and hearts you're always here”.
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Non-violence in parenting.
*"Dr.
Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi and founder of the M.K. Gandhi
Institute for Non-violence, in his lecture at the University of Puerto Rico,
shared the following story as an example of "non-violence in
parenting":*
"I was 16 years old and living with my parents at the institute my grandfather had founded 18 miles outside of Durban, South Africa, in the middle of the sugar plantations. We were deep in the country and had no neighbors, so my two sisters and I would always look forward to going to town to visit friends or go to the movies.
One day, my father asked me to drive him to town for an all-day conference, and I jumped at the chance. Since I was going to town, my mother gave me a list of groceries she needed and, since I had all day in town, my father ask me to take care of several pending chores, such as getting the car serviced. When I dropped my father off that morning, he said, 'I will meet you here at 5:00 p.m., and we will go home together.'
After hurriedly completing my chores, I went straight to the nearest movie theatre. I got so engrossed in a John Wayne double-feature that I forgot the time. It was 5:30 before I remembered. By the time I ran to the garage and got the car and hurried to where my father was waiting for me, it was almost 6:00.
He anxiously asked me, 'Why were you late?' I was so ashamed of telling him I was watching a John Wayne western movie that I said, 'The car wasn't ready, so I had to wait,' not realizing that he had already called the garage. When he caught me in the lie, he said: 'There's something wrong in the way I brought you up that didn't give you the confidence to tell me the truth. In order to figure out where I went wrong with you, I'm going to walk home 18 miles and think about it.'
So, dressed in his suit and dress shoes, he began to walk home in the dark on mostly unpaved, unlit roads. I couldn't leave him, so for five-and-a-half hours I drove behind him, watching my father go through this agony for a stupid lie that I uttered. I decided then and there that I was never going to lie again.
I often think about that episode and wonder, if he had punished me the way we punish our children, whether I would have learned a lesson at all. I don't think so. I would have suffered the punishment and gone on doing the same thing. But this single non-violent action was so powerful that it is still as if it happened yesterday. That is the power of non-violence."
"I was 16 years old and living with my parents at the institute my grandfather had founded 18 miles outside of Durban, South Africa, in the middle of the sugar plantations. We were deep in the country and had no neighbors, so my two sisters and I would always look forward to going to town to visit friends or go to the movies.
One day, my father asked me to drive him to town for an all-day conference, and I jumped at the chance. Since I was going to town, my mother gave me a list of groceries she needed and, since I had all day in town, my father ask me to take care of several pending chores, such as getting the car serviced. When I dropped my father off that morning, he said, 'I will meet you here at 5:00 p.m., and we will go home together.'
After hurriedly completing my chores, I went straight to the nearest movie theatre. I got so engrossed in a John Wayne double-feature that I forgot the time. It was 5:30 before I remembered. By the time I ran to the garage and got the car and hurried to where my father was waiting for me, it was almost 6:00.
He anxiously asked me, 'Why were you late?' I was so ashamed of telling him I was watching a John Wayne western movie that I said, 'The car wasn't ready, so I had to wait,' not realizing that he had already called the garage. When he caught me in the lie, he said: 'There's something wrong in the way I brought you up that didn't give you the confidence to tell me the truth. In order to figure out where I went wrong with you, I'm going to walk home 18 miles and think about it.'
So, dressed in his suit and dress shoes, he began to walk home in the dark on mostly unpaved, unlit roads. I couldn't leave him, so for five-and-a-half hours I drove behind him, watching my father go through this agony for a stupid lie that I uttered. I decided then and there that I was never going to lie again.
I often think about that episode and wonder, if he had punished me the way we punish our children, whether I would have learned a lesson at all. I don't think so. I would have suffered the punishment and gone on doing the same thing. But this single non-violent action was so powerful that it is still as if it happened yesterday. That is the power of non-violence."
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Have a safe & peaceful week ahead.
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