SHARED THOTS -26.01.14.
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In pursuit of Happiness.
She lost 10 kgs in a short period. She is sad and worried. This has been the result of months of efforts to lose weight. Prior to this ‘load shedding’, she was very much worried of her excess weight and swore to do anything to ‘lose’ some, even if no one wanted it. She was sad and worried how to lose weight. Now that she has lost some that she could afford, she is worried. She is often worried she has nothing to worry about. Whatever she is worried about gets sorted out easily. She is worried about this too. She is one perfect example of how one can stay worried all the time. Worry has become a part of her ‘self’.
She is a wonderful lady and I love her for showing me how to be happy, by just looking at whatever she is not.
Philosophers from times immemorial have all attempted to define happiness and postulated volumes on how to be happy ; time tested recipes have been dished out to generations, yet the appetite for happiness is never satiating… happiness is forever eluding those who seek it. Happiness often resides in those who do not recognize it, or so I concluded looking at my sister; blessed are those who can see this irony in others and feel for themselves the magic of being happy with whatever one has.
My recent interaction with this unique lady compels me to share my thoughts on how happiness came into the lives of simple souls, without ever looking for it. Given in this dispatch are two illustrations of how ‘happiness’ found two who did not know what is to be happy.
Happiness Comes From Giving
This story is about a beautiful, expensively dressed lady who complained to her psychiatrist that she felt that her whole life was empty; it had no meaning.
So the counselor called over the old lady who cleaned the office floors, and then said to the rich lady, "I'm going to ask Mary here to tell you how she found happiness. All I want you to do is to listen."
So the old lady put down her broom and sat on a chair and told her story:
"Well, my husband died of Malaria and three months later my only son was killed by a car. I had nobody... I had nothing left. I couldn't sleep; I couldn't eat; I never smiled at anyone, I even thought of taking my own life. Then one evening a little kitten followed me home from work. Somehow I felt sorry for that kitten. It was cold outside, so I decided to let the kitten in. I got it some milk, And it licked the plate clean. Then it purred and rubbed against my leg, and for the first time in months, I smiled. Then I stopped to think.
If helping a little kitten could make me smile, maybe doing something for people could make me happy. So the next day I baked some biscuits and took them to a neighbor who was sick in bed. Every day I tried to do something nice for someone. It made me so happy to see them happy. Today, I don't know of anybody who sleeps and eats better than I do. I've found happiness, by giving it to others."
When she heard that, the rich lady cried. She had everything that money could buy, but she had lost the things which money cannot buy.
Happiness is when you want everything you have, not when you have everything you want.
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The second illustration is of a person whom I met recently while on treatment at Coimbatore, India, whose story reflects some of those incredible miracle tales seen only in movies.
At a young age when he felt the whole world was against him, when anything he touched turned into disaster, when negativity overpowered his every senses… he felt the only thing he wanted to do successfully, was to end his miserable life. With this sole aim, he ventured out….. meeting his destiny on the way. His ‘destiny’ was an encounter with some beggars at a bus shelter… whose weak stretched out arms for food, he did not see, but what he saw was someone else in equal despair or worse, facing life, even begging for sustenance. He bought some eatables and offered to them who accepted in full glee and wished him a long life. … !! …here he was going to end his life, while being wished a long life by someone equally wretched and hopeless.
If they could live their miserable lives with no real hope for any future, being right at the threshold of death, why would he want to end his life at the age of 16, when the full quote of life was before him, with untold mysteries waiting for him.. all he had to do was to unravel those mysteries .. he had time and the bloom of youth on his side.. with these thoughts, this young man changed his plans to end his life.. all he felt was a sudden surge of positive feeling about what he could do… at that very moment, all he could think of doing was to feed those hungry souls and feel triumphant that he did something to make some other lost souls, smile.
This young man, Sri.B.Murugan, is today bringing smile to hundreds & thousands of those who are deprived of a basic need – one simple meal. His mission is today a successful campaign to garner support for welfare schemes over a wide spectrum of social inequality.
Reading about this young man’s close encounter with ‘failure’, I invited him to my hospital room, to see for myself what it is to live a “life changing experience”.
Murugan is today a happy man. I could see it in his face. The face of true genuine happiness….not in achieving material wealth for himself, but in being wealthy as he needs no more of anything for himself. He lives for others. A far cry for all of us, putting us to shame, as our thoughts and actions are hovered around as to how to enrich ourselves…. to find happiness. The least we could do was to share in his mission to some extent, wherever we may be.
For more information, log on to - http://nizhalmaiyam.org/index.html
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You know why it’s so hard to be happy?
It’s because, we REFUSE to let go of the things that makes us sad.
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Be thankful for the bad things in your life.
For they opened your eyes for the good things you weren’t paying attention to before.
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Be someone that makes you happy. Not with someone who makes you happy. You will be disappointed.
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A journey to happiness
I wish to recount an experience I had in a Dubai taxi recently. The driver was a pleasant-looking middle-aged chap and he greeted me with a brief smile when I got in. While waiting at our first traffic signal, on our way to my destination, we saw a young couple on the sidewalk, hand-in-hand, immersed in conversation, going past the line of waiting cars. They seemed quite happy. The woman’s laughter could be heard in the cab. Little did I expect the kind of reaction, this sound of happiness stirred up in the taxi driver.
He asked loudly, partly to himself and partly to me: ‘Why was that woman so happy? How could a person be so cheerful?’
Such probing questions kept flowing from him incessantly. Since I was just silent with my own thoughts, the driver kept on talking, whingeing actually. She must be crazy, or so he thought, to be so happy.
Not long afterwards, there was a group waiting at the next traffic signal. They too seemed happy by the look on their faces. Their loud laughter and chatter caused yet another mini-tsunami in my friend’s emotions. As I expected, he came up with fresh questions….
What caused happiness? How could a person be happy in Dubai, he lamented; here he was, in Dubai for 20 years, struggling to make both ends meet, his wife back home in Goa, bringing up his two daughters. The sky-rocketing cost of living in Dubai had depleted his savings. He believed everyone else in Dubai had been sharing his tales of woes and yet, these folks seemed happy, really happy. This was unfair, he thought and rightly so for a person on whose shoulders the cares of the world seemed so heavy. How could these people be all happy and smiling? This was all too much for him.
I found his questions triggering a chain of thoughts in me and I decided to respond to his monologue.
These people, I told him, had decided they would be happy today. They had made up their minds that nothing was going to upset them today. He could also be happy if he wanted to, I told him. All he had to do was just repeat: “I am happy - rather than question why others are happy.” I told him to laugh loudly.
Laugh, I urged him. Laugh now, I shouted a command and then I laughed myself. I really felt nice. And I continued to laugh so loudly I could see his eyes were bulging out of their sockets with utter surprise. He must have thought he had picked up a nutter for a passenger.
We had reached our destination by then. While paying for the ride, he asked me if I was all right. Obviously he still had some doubts over it. Then he asked a question I had not expected: “Are you
really happy, sir?”
I told him: “Yes, I am happy.” In fact I yelled at him (and the world) that I was happy and then I went on my way, leaving behind a flabbergasted and perplexed cabby.
I then thought to myself whether I could justify what I had just told him, that I was really happy.
Well, if happiness is where my needs equal the means, then I am happy.
If happiness is lack of fear for today or tomorrow, then I am happy.
If happiness is where there is hope for today or tomorrow, then I am happy.
If happiness is where there is health, then I am happy.
If happiness is where there is love waiting for me, then I am happy.
If happiness is where there are many to love, then I am happy.
If happiness is where there is no one to hate, then I am happy.
If happiness is where I am wanted, then I am happy.
If happiness is the absence of sadness, yes, I am happy still, because I am only grieving and past the stage of sadness. In grieving, there is a deep unfathomable sense of missing.
If happiness is lack of fear for today or tomorrow, then I am happy.
If happiness is where there is hope for today or tomorrow, then I am happy.
If happiness is where there is health, then I am happy.
If happiness is where there is love waiting for me, then I am happy.
If happiness is where there are many to love, then I am happy.
If happiness is where there is no one to hate, then I am happy.
If happiness is where I am wanted, then I am happy.
If happiness is the absence of sadness, yes, I am happy still, because I am only grieving and past the stage of sadness. In grieving, there is a deep unfathomable sense of missing.
Since I have decided to be happy, I can only recall the happy moments of the past, even in my grief*.
So happiness is your choice, a surreal destination, existing out there somewhere, yet so easily accessible, if you just choose to look beyond the immediate ‘self’.
( this was a true experience for me; published in Gulf Times, Doha – June 2011 ).
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MOHANDAS. KP.
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