On getting older

SHARED THOTS - 13.03.14. 
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On getting older – 

“It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone,
but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.” 
― Andy Rooney

She was a pretty girl, dressed in traditional Arabic style, face revealed,
with clear flawless skin, made up tastefully, at the medical store, in a
nearby pharmacy, where I had gone to buy some drugs.. She was not the one
manning the counter nor had I seen her before The way she greeted me with a
welcoming smile caused an uneasy feeling, because there I was in casuals &
sandals, unprepared for an encounter of this sort. 

When I was done with the pharmacist, she came over and pointed out at my
nose and cheeks and reminded me I had a lot of ‘black heads’, which needed
attention;  yes, she had the cure. Buy one of this and then one of that,
three tubes each – presto – all black heads would be gone. Total damage to
start with would be a meager  kd.16 ($56) !!  As if this was not enough, she
brought out a cream, which she called “anti-ageing”… which came with a cheap
price tag of kd.8, and in addition, a toner is a must, at kd.8 !! ..
anti-ageing? Wow…!!

I jumped at this offer. This was exactly the wonder drug I was looking for,
I told her.. I offered to take all 6 tubes in one go… she was thrilled…
until I spelled one condition …  I must stop ageing.  Can she or the cream
manufacturer guarantee that I will age no more.? Seeing her helpless state,
I told her, look it’s nice to age, especially when it is a law of nature,
totally out of our control. So just relax and enjoy the process of ageing.
She gave a quizzical look … must’ve wondered, what kind of a nut she chose
to deal with ..!! 

There is this Editor of a local daily, for whom receiving 40th birthday
wishes were a rude reminder of being a year older. She gladly would welcome
to be a year younger even though getting older by a year would be a year
wiser. The latter add-on was not a welcome option. “What shall I do with
being wiser” she asks. 

My niece cried out when I wished her on her 30th birthday…. She screamed..
No, please do not wish.. I am old.. I am 30 !!!!

My ex-boss once told me, it is a pleasure to grow old with your spouse. He
accepted ageing gracefully. It was a lesson for us in our twenties, to see
him greying and being proud of his age and his wife’s age. 

In contrast, we see a majority among us, feeling a year wiser is of lesser
value than being a year older. Or is this only a woman thing? 

My wife was a teen ager when we were married. Over a period of time, our
brothers and sisters on both sides, built their respective families with
love and care. All the relatives around us of our age group are now in their
golden years. It is beautiful to nurture a lasting friendly relationship of
care and love. No price is too high to preserve this congenial affability. 

Age matters in that, it is with age that we mature. It is with maturity, we
are able to deal with life’s problems with equanimity. It is with equanimity
we find peace. It is with peace we reconcile to the fact, that we are being
overpowered by Time, slowly and steadily and our ageing process will cease
one day. Nothing is permanent. Youth or old age. Health or illness. Joy or
sorrow. It is in this impermanence that we can see our own helplessness. It
is this helplessness that gives us humility. With humility, we get the
correct perspective of the power of position or arrogance of wealth. 

All this being known well enough, process of ageing is the age-old bête noir
for most among us. 

Is it a human tendency to be always living in denial?. What is wrong with
ageing? Why is it such a fearsome and loathed imposition on unwilling souls?
Why is anit-ageing such a fad that people would do anything to be under the
spell of “willing suspension of disbelief”… even as they are aware of the
ageing process catching up with all their counter measures? 

George Burns once said, “If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d
have taken better care of myself.”  But then, 

Here is an interesting address on ageing from Om Swamy, to whom I am
grateful for his insight and wisdom. 

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Afraid of Getting Old?


You are old when your memories are no longer bridges but boulders that
obstruct your present journey.



Are you afraid of getting old? All those who see death at a ripe age have to
go through old age. There are some who keep defying it till their last
breath and there are many who start feeling old even in their forties. Does
human body become more fragile as people age? Well, general observation of
the world around us certainly vouches for that. But what if, hypothetically
speaking, we removed one's physical age from the equation? The concept of
old age will get a new definition perhaps. I have known numerous people who
lived through abusive relationships, who suffered torment, trauma and
torture for the most part of their life only so they could have someone
around when they get old. The fear of being alone when old can really haunt
some. So, when does one get old? Read on.

When your life has more memories than ambition, consider yourself old. When
all you have to talk about is how you did this in the past or how you did
that in the past, how you were amazing a decade ago or how you were so
incredible back then. When you no longer live your present or look up to
your future, when all you do is reknit the same stories in the present using
yarn of the past, you are old. An unfailing sign of the one who feels old
within is they mostly talk about their past.

Old age is inevitable for all blessed with a normal lifespan. When anything
is inevitable, it means you only have two choices: first, handle it with
grace and gratitude or second, deny it with griping and whining. Old age is
like the Friday afternoon at work — it gets quiet, it slows down before the
weekend break. And what is death? Well, death is the weekend. Consciousness
moves on. If you believe in soul or rebirth, a new birth awaits you. If you
believe in heaven or hell, who knows you may just live a life of your dreams
in one of those places. If you don't believe in anything, well then,
hopefully you know your own answer. 

A priest went to a rich man's funeral. The deceased was his friend and a
hardcore atheist who vehemently refuted any notion of God, heaven or hell.
It was an elaborate funeral. He approached the coffin. It was made from
exquisite teakwood, soft satin lining inside, the body was clad in
handcrafted silken robe.
"Oh what a shame," exclaimed the priest, "all dressed up and nowhere to go!"

Personally, if you ask me, I am at perfect ease with any of your belief.
Whatever gives you inner strength and gives you a sense of peace, adopt that
belief. After all, these all are theories anyway, some more convincing than
others. That's all. They are not capable of manifesting the truth for you.
At the most, they give you an intellectual choice, a way of living.

The quality of your breath, the basis of your life, does not deteriorate
till the last moment. So, you may as well enjoy the various seasons of life.
What others think of you is their problem. Deep within you know yourself
better than anyone else. The world, society will try their best to make you
feel old. Why, even parents, elders, teachers keep telling you to grow up or
that you are grown up now. They are not doing it intentionally, they just
don't know any better. Often. Have no grudges against them, just learn to
increase the volume of your inner voice. It will guide you and help you
decide your course of action. 

One day when Mulla Nasrudin of age ninety decided to marry a girl who was
only eighteen, his sons, grandchildren and great grandchildren were
appalled. 

"What are you doing, father?" the son said, "Fatima's only eighteen!"
"So what? Even your mother was eighteen when I first married her."
"You don't get it, do you? Let me be straight up with you; copulation at
this age? It may result in someone's death! I'm warning you."
"Aah...don't get all worked up like your mother used to, you stress-head!
Don't worry, if Fatima dies, I'll marry another one!" Mulla said.

I am not saying you kill reason and sense; just don't let anyone ever
dictate the way you feel about yourself. No teacher, no preacher, no
religion, no authority, no partner. The legal system, your faith and those
around you may give you a framework of living, but you alone should set your
rules of life. When distant memories become obstacles in covering the
distance of your present journey, take charge of your life, your present,
and start living! With compassion for others and yourself, make the most of
every moment.

Childhood does not last forever. Youth is not permanent, and old age will
end too. Nothing is worth clinging onto. These are fleeting seasons. Live,
love, laugh, give while you have. Do so in such a manner that you fall in
love with the person you see in the mirror, in a way so there is no burden
on your conscience when you put your head down on the pillow.

What I longed for will be set aside
The things I pursued in vain —
Let them pass
Let me turn

To things I overlooked

And carelessly threw away
To possess them truly until they are mine.
(Tagore, Rabindranath. The Stars Look On.)


Be yourself. Love yourself. Know yourself. You will find yourself beyond
age.

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Have a great weekend. 

MOHANDAS. KP.

http://mohandas-sharedthoughts.blogspot.com/