SHARED THOUGHTS. 31.12.2014.
Thoughts for a New Year.
Another year has passed..365 days, 8760 hours... We are set to welcome a
brand new year... All mediums of communications are jammed with best wishes
crisscrossing around the globe. Friends, relatives and associates in
business wish each other. Many are routine wishes, because one must do so.
Some of these wishes are smeared with shallow wellness, with the actual
intents surfacing sooner than later.. While some others are genuine and
these wishes carry love care and concern.
2014 is over .. Time, that will never come back. Many resolutions taken 365
days before stand trial today. A friend wrote to me exactly what I wanted
to convey... We all set our own benchmarks in life and most of us work
towards our own desires and goals. I have realized that you cannot make
anyone listen to you, you can’t make them see your viewpoint until and
unless they want to see it. Most around you will walk over, walk around,
walk into, or walk up to you at their own convenience. Very few care. If we
remove ourselves from the struggle to change the other person, ninety
percent of the puzzle of life is solved instantly.
Changing the other person is important sometimes, people tell me. Agreed.
Because what if they harm you and everything that matters to you, they say.
Walk away, is my answer. And, what if you can’t walk away? Reject. And when
you can’t reject? Ignore. What if you can’t ignore? Accept. And, what if you
can’t accept either? Suffer. If we can’t distance ourselves, nor reject,
ignore or accept them, then we leave ourselves with no choice but to suffer.
And, is there any way of avoiding the suffering? Yes;
Meditate on your true nature of bliss. Your existence is eternal and
infinite, it is beyond how you are treated by others. This can only be
realized and not understood.
============================================================================
==\
Start ignoring people who threaten your joy. Literally, ignore them. Say
nothing. Don’t invite any part of them into your space. ..shared my niece.
Another friend wrote - Let go of people who have hurt you. Wish them the
best and move on. Don’t let their wrongdoing keep you stuck. Mandy Hale.
============================================================================
===\
Receiving praise and criticism are part of our daily life. From within
family in friendly and loving overtones or from genuine friends, praise or
criticisms are easily accepted; while we all like words of praise, many of
us do not know how to deal with criticisms. There are no 'feel good' factor
in criticisms. But intelligence will help us discern and dissect criticism
to our benefit. Read on what Sri Om Swami ji, has to say.
Three Principles of Handling Criticism
Our mind looks upon criticism as intrusion. This is the truth. Especially
when negative feedback from the other end is unsolicited. Often, the seed of
hostility in any relationship sprouts when criticism, which is inevitable,
is either expressed or processed unkindly. Thereafter, even constructive
feedback is rejected as a biased opinion of the other person. “Criticism may
not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain
in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”
These are the words of Winston Churchill beautifully summing up how one
should look upon criticism. Nevertheless, to be open to criticism remains a
rare quality only few possess.
Numerous times, I’ve observed that people ask you for honest feedback,
stressing the word honest, but when you actually do offer it, they become
defensive. But, criticism is an important aspect of our lives and we can
only gain from learning how to take it positively. Those who learn to handle
criticism with discernment live in less conflict and command more respect
wherever they go.
Here are three golden principles of being at peace in the face of criticism.
Next time you have to handle disapproval, justified or otherwise, reflect on
these principles and you will remain mostly unperturbed.
1....Is it beneficial?
Often when we are criticized, ego raises its hood and most of us become
defensive even before fully listening to what the other person has to say.
We tend to believe that we know absolutely everything about us and that we
know what we are doing. And anytime we are challenged, it shakes our
self-belief, it rattles us. Some people react sharply and some withdraw, but
the best thing to do is to ask yourself this question: is it beneficial?
When their criticism or advice, however unsought or negative, is actually
for your benefit, it is only prudent to pay attention to it. You don’t have
to take their feedback personally; simply listen to it and once done, mull
over it and decide if there’s merit in it. You can then make a conscious
choice of accepting or rejecting their views. This approach allows you to
handle criticism in a non-violent way, without feeling bad.
2.....Is it true?
When criticism is not beneficial or constructive, it can sound like a
scathing attack on you, your credibility and your talents. Our natural
tendency is to shut down completely or react violently in the face of
negative criticism. We are quick to dismiss the criticizer as our adversary
and write him off. But, what if they are actually right? And, this leads to
the second question we should ask ourselves. Is it true? If what they are
stating is the truth, however unpleasant and bitter, we should shut up and
listen rather than react and reject. The other person is under no moral
obligation to sugarcoat their statements. Even when their criticism does not
sound beneficial but is true, we can’t go wrong by reflecting on it. At any
rate, it is food for thought that may help us get better at what we do.
3.....Is the intention noble?
Sometimes their criticism is neither true nor beneficial. It’s a tricky
situation and a particularly hard one because you know they are being
unfair. Well, to keep your peace, examine their intention. If their
intentions are not bad, if they are your well-wisher, then let’s choose
compassion over reaction and let it go. This is not the time to make them
understand your perspective. You can revisit it after the storm has passed.
Further, just remember that if their intentions are not noble then their
criticism doesn’t really matter. Why take it personally when we know it’s
not true? And if they do mean well then rather than taking it personally,
let’s act on it instead.
At the fundamental level, criticism is a violent expression. But then again,
at times we may have to give negative feedback. How to go about it, you may
ask? Well, there’s a difference between condemning the other person and
highlighting their shortcomings.
For example, if a tennis player has been trying hard but has failed to win
any tournament, violent and non-beneficial criticism may sound like: “You
never win. What’s wrong with you?”
Constructive criticism will be more like: “I think you really need to work
hard on your backhand. You lost many points today because of a weak
backhand.”
And, positive feedback will be: “Your forehand strokes were phenomenal
today. We could do with some improvements in serving, but, most importantly,
I think we should really practice backhand lot more. The opponent scored 14
points because of that.”
Mulla Nasrudin’s friend had to attend a funeral for the first time in his
life. Not knowing the protocol, he approached Mulla for advice.
“Where should I be in the funeral procession, Mulla?” he said. “At the back,
in front, or on one of the sides?”
“It matters little where you are, my friend,” Mulla said, “as long as you
are not in the casket.”
Handling criticism is no different. It doesn’t matter how you take it, so
long as you don’t let it wreck your self-esteem, you are okay. The day you
learn to handle criticism, honest or otherwise, in a non-reactive,
non-violent way, you’ll reach a new shore of bliss. Resistance, conflict and
criticism won’t be able to affect your peace then. You will discover the new
you.
=========================================================================\
These two lessons can be useful resolutions to all the youngsters...
· move away from those who hurt you, while wishing them well.
· Learn to handle criticism and convert that to your benefit.
===========================================================================\
Have a peaceful weekend and A HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you,
MOHANDAS. KP.
<http://mohandas-sharedthoughts.blogspot.com/
Thoughts for a New Year.
Another year has passed..365 days, 8760 hours... We are set to welcome a
brand new year... All mediums of communications are jammed with best wishes
crisscrossing around the globe. Friends, relatives and associates in
business wish each other. Many are routine wishes, because one must do so.
Some of these wishes are smeared with shallow wellness, with the actual
intents surfacing sooner than later.. While some others are genuine and
these wishes carry love care and concern.
2014 is over .. Time, that will never come back. Many resolutions taken 365
days before stand trial today. A friend wrote to me exactly what I wanted
to convey... We all set our own benchmarks in life and most of us work
towards our own desires and goals. I have realized that you cannot make
anyone listen to you, you can’t make them see your viewpoint until and
unless they want to see it. Most around you will walk over, walk around,
walk into, or walk up to you at their own convenience. Very few care. If we
remove ourselves from the struggle to change the other person, ninety
percent of the puzzle of life is solved instantly.
Changing the other person is important sometimes, people tell me. Agreed.
Because what if they harm you and everything that matters to you, they say.
Walk away, is my answer. And, what if you can’t walk away? Reject. And when
you can’t reject? Ignore. What if you can’t ignore? Accept. And, what if you
can’t accept either? Suffer. If we can’t distance ourselves, nor reject,
ignore or accept them, then we leave ourselves with no choice but to suffer.
And, is there any way of avoiding the suffering? Yes;
Meditate on your true nature of bliss. Your existence is eternal and
infinite, it is beyond how you are treated by others. This can only be
realized and not understood.
============================================================================
==\
Start ignoring people who threaten your joy. Literally, ignore them. Say
nothing. Don’t invite any part of them into your space. ..shared my niece.
Another friend wrote - Let go of people who have hurt you. Wish them the
best and move on. Don’t let their wrongdoing keep you stuck. Mandy Hale.
============================================================================
===\
Receiving praise and criticism are part of our daily life. From within
family in friendly and loving overtones or from genuine friends, praise or
criticisms are easily accepted; while we all like words of praise, many of
us do not know how to deal with criticisms. There are no 'feel good' factor
in criticisms. But intelligence will help us discern and dissect criticism
to our benefit. Read on what Sri Om Swami ji, has to say.
Three Principles of Handling Criticism
Our mind looks upon criticism as intrusion. This is the truth. Especially
when negative feedback from the other end is unsolicited. Often, the seed of
hostility in any relationship sprouts when criticism, which is inevitable,
is either expressed or processed unkindly. Thereafter, even constructive
feedback is rejected as a biased opinion of the other person. “Criticism may
not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain
in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”
These are the words of Winston Churchill beautifully summing up how one
should look upon criticism. Nevertheless, to be open to criticism remains a
rare quality only few possess.
Numerous times, I’ve observed that people ask you for honest feedback,
stressing the word honest, but when you actually do offer it, they become
defensive. But, criticism is an important aspect of our lives and we can
only gain from learning how to take it positively. Those who learn to handle
criticism with discernment live in less conflict and command more respect
wherever they go.
Here are three golden principles of being at peace in the face of criticism.
Next time you have to handle disapproval, justified or otherwise, reflect on
these principles and you will remain mostly unperturbed.
1....Is it beneficial?
Often when we are criticized, ego raises its hood and most of us become
defensive even before fully listening to what the other person has to say.
We tend to believe that we know absolutely everything about us and that we
know what we are doing. And anytime we are challenged, it shakes our
self-belief, it rattles us. Some people react sharply and some withdraw, but
the best thing to do is to ask yourself this question: is it beneficial?
When their criticism or advice, however unsought or negative, is actually
for your benefit, it is only prudent to pay attention to it. You don’t have
to take their feedback personally; simply listen to it and once done, mull
over it and decide if there’s merit in it. You can then make a conscious
choice of accepting or rejecting their views. This approach allows you to
handle criticism in a non-violent way, without feeling bad.
2.....Is it true?
When criticism is not beneficial or constructive, it can sound like a
scathing attack on you, your credibility and your talents. Our natural
tendency is to shut down completely or react violently in the face of
negative criticism. We are quick to dismiss the criticizer as our adversary
and write him off. But, what if they are actually right? And, this leads to
the second question we should ask ourselves. Is it true? If what they are
stating is the truth, however unpleasant and bitter, we should shut up and
listen rather than react and reject. The other person is under no moral
obligation to sugarcoat their statements. Even when their criticism does not
sound beneficial but is true, we can’t go wrong by reflecting on it. At any
rate, it is food for thought that may help us get better at what we do.
3.....Is the intention noble?
Sometimes their criticism is neither true nor beneficial. It’s a tricky
situation and a particularly hard one because you know they are being
unfair. Well, to keep your peace, examine their intention. If their
intentions are not bad, if they are your well-wisher, then let’s choose
compassion over reaction and let it go. This is not the time to make them
understand your perspective. You can revisit it after the storm has passed.
Further, just remember that if their intentions are not noble then their
criticism doesn’t really matter. Why take it personally when we know it’s
not true? And if they do mean well then rather than taking it personally,
let’s act on it instead.
At the fundamental level, criticism is a violent expression. But then again,
at times we may have to give negative feedback. How to go about it, you may
ask? Well, there’s a difference between condemning the other person and
highlighting their shortcomings.
For example, if a tennis player has been trying hard but has failed to win
any tournament, violent and non-beneficial criticism may sound like: “You
never win. What’s wrong with you?”
Constructive criticism will be more like: “I think you really need to work
hard on your backhand. You lost many points today because of a weak
backhand.”
And, positive feedback will be: “Your forehand strokes were phenomenal
today. We could do with some improvements in serving, but, most importantly,
I think we should really practice backhand lot more. The opponent scored 14
points because of that.”
Mulla Nasrudin’s friend had to attend a funeral for the first time in his
life. Not knowing the protocol, he approached Mulla for advice.
“Where should I be in the funeral procession, Mulla?” he said. “At the back,
in front, or on one of the sides?”
“It matters little where you are, my friend,” Mulla said, “as long as you
are not in the casket.”
Handling criticism is no different. It doesn’t matter how you take it, so
long as you don’t let it wreck your self-esteem, you are okay. The day you
learn to handle criticism, honest or otherwise, in a non-reactive,
non-violent way, you’ll reach a new shore of bliss. Resistance, conflict and
criticism won’t be able to affect your peace then. You will discover the new
you.
=========================================================================\
These two lessons can be useful resolutions to all the youngsters...
· move away from those who hurt you, while wishing them well.
· Learn to handle criticism and convert that to your benefit.
===========================================================================\
Have a peaceful weekend and A HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you,
MOHANDAS. KP.
<http://mohandas-sharedthoughts.blogspot.com/
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